Interesting. Totally anecdotal here, but here are my thoughts:
As I get older, I see less value in friendships, mostly because I realize that many of my friendships didn't serve me and added a lot of stress to my life (and distracted from time that could have been spent on career / legacy). Meanwhile, time invested in my personal life, hobbies, and career pays off in spades - spending a few months getting better at algorithms helped me double my wages with my next job jump. It is interesting how social we are with friends at a young age, then most decide on a constant - but low - amount of time spent with friends.
I don't know how old you are, but based on the comment it seems likely you haven't travelled all the way along the journey yet. People can be retired and alone a long time - it seems such a potentially lonely existence that it's worth taking some actions earlier in life to reduce the possibility. I don't know whether the best way would be cultivating friendships or focusing on family.
As I get older, the more value I see with friendships, even though many of them have added stress to my life. Some of the ones that I've had are of immeasurable importance and are worth the horror and the slog of the less interesting ones.
I already make more than enough to really worry about anything, so the constant increase in money hasn't driven me for a good 6 years. What I miss, though, are the good friendships I've had along the way.
Yeah I agree, it is funny hearing younger people claim that all of their friends are their best friends and as they get older their relationships dwindle. I suspect that it is crucial for young people to have more relationships in order to socialize them during early development. Once you hit your 40's having too many relationships becomes a burden.
And yet so many people on the internet mourn the difficulty of acquiring friends in their 30s, so perhaps having too many relationships is a good problem to have, given how hard it is to find someone.
In the 1980s if you wanted to meet someone you had to build a social circle and do things. Even though I don't like clubs, my friends would pull me to them , and occasionally I'd meet someone.
I'm not on social media/ online dating because I found it to be a stressful time suck.
Now you have an entire generation who see social circles as optional. So they sit inside all day swipping right , and when they find they've been chatting with Bots all day, they lash out on Reddit.
The best part of going out with my friends was always spending time with them. It wasn't a matter of go to club 3 times == find partner. Chilling with your friends, even just the Uber home , is its own reward.
At the same time you definitely can invest time in real social activities. A colleague of mine, who's married casually remarked all the guys in her tennis class have phds. You want to be a PhD, or another high income individual who spends his or her free time in tennis class, not an angry net citizen who complains about liberals all day on Reddit.
A sick side effect of the US's consumer culture is that we define most of our experiences in terms of pleasure and pain, which is a shallow and unhelpful way to intepret it.
A couple of years ago, a dear friend died suddenly. I flew across the country to her memorial service. Her husband asked if anyone wanted to say anything. I'm very shy and not spontaneous, but I found myself getting up in front of a hundred people and talking about her and their marriage while tears poured down my face. I've never done anything like that before, and I honestly couldn't even really tell you what I said.
In the calculus of pleasure and pain, this was a miserable experience. Grieving for my friend and her absolutely destroyed husband. Terrified of public speaking, inexplicably ashamed to be crying in front of others, sobbing in sadness. If this experience was a blister-packed product I bought off Amazon, it would get a zero-star review.
But it is one of the most meaningful, important experiences of my life. Of course it sucked, but the fact that it sucked shows how much it was worth it.
The question is not whether your friends add stress. All friends will, even the best ones. In fact, the best ones will often add the most, as you empathize with their struggles and experience them as your own. The question is whether the stress is meaningful and worth it. Obviously, cut out toxic people who bring you down for no benefit. But avoiding all close friendships because they can hurt means losing the opportunity to have all of the deep difficult but meaningful experiences that make life worth it.
Huh. My experience has been the opposite. I used to just focus on my skills but that ended up with me doing things on my own and not getting to enjoy the things I thought I would. With time, I noticed this and have started spending time with other people to look at things from their perspective and experience new things. This has been a better experience for me.
I said the same thing, then covid helped me realize the people I have been trying to befriend I don't actually like all that much! Being really picky about who you spend your precious time with and for what reasons makes a big difference. Friendships (with the right people) can really enrich your life.
Older people do complain about loneliness and isolation. Stay at home moms complain about loneliness and isolation a lot.
By that I want to say that neither is young person issues. It is much easier for younger people to get enough socialization in school, work or whatever. It gets harder when people get older and have family obligations.
As I get older, I see less value in friendships, mostly because I realize that many of my friendships didn't serve me and added a lot of stress to my life (and distracted from time that could have been spent on career / legacy). Meanwhile, time invested in my personal life, hobbies, and career pays off in spades - spending a few months getting better at algorithms helped me double my wages with my next job jump. It is interesting how social we are with friends at a young age, then most decide on a constant - but low - amount of time spent with friends.